Question
We have been using the ticket method to successfully reduce some behaviors my 5 year old son had. We have seen a decrease in his talking back. Now that he has started kindergarten he has less time to play with his favorite friend in the neighborhood. In the past, that has been the privilege that has been taken away. In all honesty I have thought it is not such a bad thing he spend less time with this boy as he tests my authority on occasion and I have heard him encourage the same of my son. Should I continue to use removal of "playtime" as a consequence or should I prioritize playing with friends more now that the time he is allotted is less overall?
Answer
Ah, one of the major conundrums of parenting today--the thought that depriving a child of something he enjoys on a limited basis will somehow hurt him in the long run. Yes, continue to use playtime with a friend as a consequence, regardless of how often that privilege is used, if your son continues to value such a relationship. In other words, consequences should involve things or activities that the child likes or enjoys. Telling a kid he can't have broccoli because of a misbehavior is probably not going to provide the impetus for him to change such behavior.
In general, you have the right to curtail interactions with kids if said kids are not a good influence. In elementary school, this involves restricting access.
Let me know how it goes, and hang in there!
Sarah Hamaker, Certified Leadership Parenting Coach
parentcoachnova@gmail.com
www.parentcoachnova.com
