"The ultimate goal of raising children is to help them out of our lives and into successful lives of their own. "

Young Adult (19-25 years)

John's Most Recent Articles

Parent Involvement

Posted on 11/11/2014

Why are young adult children emancipating so much later than they did in 1970, when the average age of male emancipation (independent living, paying one’s own bills) was 21? Why do...

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Biting Finger Nails: What to do?

Posted on 1/21/2014

Q: What can be done to stop a nineteen year old from biting his finger nails? This has been an ongoing habit from early childhood. He's obviously damaging his fingers and maybe even his teeth....

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21-Year-Old Needs Walking Papers

Posted on 2/26/2013

Q: My husband and I have a 21-year-old daughter from his first marriage. She was suspended from college for bad grades and is waiting out her time until she can go back. Meanwhile, she works for...

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Adult Child: What to do?

Posted on 12/11/2012

Q: We have an adult child who doesn't want to grow up. She quit college after two years and moved across the country. As we anticipated, she's having difficulty supporting herself. In fact, she...

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19-Year-Old Girl Dating Sarcastic Boyfriend

Posted on 3/15/2011

Is it verbal abuse or just snide humor? It appears that a recent column of mine had an effect similar to a Rorschach inkblot: People read their own personal experiences and/or biases into it...

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19-Year-Old Girl Dating Negative Boyfriend

Posted on 3/1/2011

Boyfriend just needs to grow up Q. Our 19-year-old daughter is dating a 19-year-old, who, in general, we like. He's not a partier, he's serious about his education, etc. The problem is that his...

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Kids Hitting Parents

Posted on 2/22/2011

A hidden abuse problem: Kids who assault parents One of the more heartbreaking consequences of the "psychological" parenting philosophy and style that American parents began adopting in the...

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20-Something Daughter Back Home

Posted on 1/26/2010

Parents need to teach adult daughter to take care of herself A colleague of mine used to say, "Don't ask a question if you don't want the answer." A reader recently asked me what rules she...

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College Graduate Returning Home

Posted on 12/29/2009

IN FORMERLY EMPTY NEST, SHE'LL RUFFLE FEATHERS Q. What, if any, ground rules can and should parents set for a child returning to live at home after college graduation? My husband and I are...

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Clarification on Military Accepting GEDs

Posted on 12/8/2009

CLARIFICATION ON MILITARY ACCEPTING GEDS A recent column in which I advised the parents of a teen to let him drop out of high school, get his GED, and join the Army has been challenged by some...

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Recent Questions

College student lessons.

Posted 2 days ago

Against our advice, our college student chose a roommate known to be prone to histrionics. Before the decision was made, we outlined all the potential ramifications but let her make the final...

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Reestablishing Relationships with Rebellious Young Adults

Posted 2 days ago

Unsuccessful in how I stated this a week ago, so trying once more. Have one of our ten children, adopted from Eastern Europe, who after many infractions, was thrown out of the house by my husband,...

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Adult children continue to be parented.

Posted 1 month, 1 day ago

Do you have any advise on how to recconect with an estranged adult child who is in their 30's? And yes, I made all the "giving your child self-esteem" mistakes in the 1980-2000 that you speak...

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What to Do When Older Sister Is Mean to Younger Sister

Posted on 2/5/2017

Our older daughter continues to be a source of hurt to her younger sister. They are three years apart and both teens. They are both well liked in the community, praised by teachers, active in...

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Can you change your adult child's destructive behavior?

Posted on 1/23/2017

What is the order of priority to hold adult children (21 age) accountable to who live at home while attending college? We have a 21 year old daughter who was kicked out of college for drugs. ...

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19 yo Telling Parents Off

Posted on 12/20/2016

Same daughter - More issues. This is related to the daughter that I have asked about in previous posts. She continues to be distant in her relationship. She will never return a "I love you" and...

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Parenting the Terminally Ill

Posted on 12/8/2016

Do parenting rules change when parenting a young adult (19) with a chronic/terminal illness. My husband's son (and 16 yr old daughter) have cystic fibrosis. While their health is generally good...

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Parenting Adult Children

Posted on 12/5/2016

I am the parent of a new, 18-year-old adult, the oldest of my 4 children. What are your thoughts on parents giving children unsolicited advice and unsolicited help? At what age of the child...

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Parenting Adult Children, Follow Up

Posted on 12/1/2016

To follow up on my last question (Parenting Adult Children). When my son admitted he started smoking cigarettes about 2 months ago and says he does not do it very often, my husband told him he...

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Parenting adult children.

Posted on 11/28/2016

My son is 19 and a sophomore in college. His school is 45 minutes away from our home and he lives on campus. We pay for his college and housing. When he comes home occasionally on the weekend we...

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