John's Articles

To Stop Yelling, Change Yourself Not Your Kid

Posted on 9/13/2017

Q: I get very frustrated with my children when they don’t obey me, even down to the simplest of instructions, and end up yelling. How does a parent stop yelling at her kids? A: Thank you,...

Authority Is Conveyed With a Proper Presentation

Posted on 8/29/2017

Q: I have taught my 4-year-old son that he is the boss. I have given him too many choices and too many explanations. I’ve allowed him to manipulate, disobey, and disrespect me. Ever since I began...

A Little 'Vitamin N' Can Go a Long Way

Posted on 7/12/2017

I call it “Vitamin N.” It is the word children need to hear most, but it is currently the word children hear least. It is arguably the most character-building word in the English language, but...

Are You a Parenting Wreck? This Quiz Will Tell You

Posted on 7/4/2017

Do you need a parent-nanny? Not a nanny for your child, mind you, but one for YOU! I recently introduced my readers to what I call “upside-down, inside-out and turned around...

Children Need Adults Who Are Worthy of Being Paid Attention

Posted on 3/21/2017

Once again, a reader proves that parenting must be added to religion and politics as verboten subjects for polite conversation. A column I published back in December of 2016 went viral...

It Is Not a Parent's Job to Solve All of a Child's Problems

Posted on 3/29/2016

Q: We have a 7-year-old son and two girls ages 9 and 6. The girls are gifted academically and athletically. He simply can’t keep up with them. They’re even better at bike-riding. As a result, he...

Authority Is About Unequivocal Expectations, Not Persuasion

Posted on 3/8/2016

Actress Charlize Theron recently caused a media stir when she wrestled her adopted four-year-old son Jackson to the ground when he began throwing a public tantrum. For this, Theron was labeled a...

Children Have the Right to a Steady Balance of Love and Leadership

Posted on 2/17/2016

“Do children have any rights?” is the question of the week, submitted by a 30-something reader. Yes, children have rights. First and foremost, there is their right to be loved...

Parenting Experts Part III

Posted on 12/8/2015

This is the third and final installment of my “Wrong Things Experts Have Said (and Still Say)” series. Thus far: I’ve debunked the myth that a consequence must be delivered immediately in order...

It's the Little Things That Count

Posted on 10/27/2015

Act Like An Authority Figure

Posted on 9/22/2015

The following statement is true: A child’s natural response to the proper presentation of authority is obedience. The following statement is also true: Most of today’s parents—I’d...

Four Attributes of Authority

Posted on 12/30/2014

Who are the happier campers in a workplace setting: the employees who (a) obey the rules, follow the procedures, and voice any complaints respectfully, such that the entire workplace is not...

Parental Speech

Posted on 8/26/2014

As the old parenting point of view fell out of fashion beginning in the late 1960s, the vernacular that accompanied it all but completely disappeared. Today’s parents don’t say to...

Parental Anxiety

Posted on 8/12/2014

On one of my websites I, along with a team of certified parent coaches, answer questions submitted by parents. In the last two days, 67 percent of the questions have concerned toilet...

Staying on the Same Page

Posted on 5/27/2014

“How can my spouse and I get on the same page where the kids are concerned?” is both the most difficult question parents ask me and also the most important. It is the most difficult because each...

Good Parenting Decisions

Posted on 5/20/2014

Q: For the first five years of her life, it was just me and my now 13-year-old daughter. I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I wasn’t consistent; I didn’t hold her accountable; I was an...

Be the Parent Your Child Needs

Posted on 4/1/2014

Q: My 14-year-old daughter says I don't trust her because unlike her best friend's parents, I won't allow her to stay home alone for several days while I go out of town. Her friend's parents do...

Leadership - Being a Proper Parent

Posted on 2/18/2014

In my most popular presentation - "Parenting with Love and Leadership"™ - I reveal the secret to proper, effective discipline: to wit, acting like a superior being. Today's parents have been...

Odd is just odd

Posted on 11/19/2013

The mother of a 4-year-old boy shared an interesting story with me the other day. At age 2, her son began chewing meat to the point where it became liquid, but would not swallow. The parents...

Consequences

Posted on 11/12/2013

Q: We have discovered that our 17-year-old son recently went to school, checked in, and then, a short time later, left. To our knowledge, he's never done this before. His explanation was that he...

Cooperation

Posted on 11/5/2013

One of the most problematic words in America's post-1960s parenting language is "cooperate." "I want my children to cooperate," a parent tells me. She tells me this in the midst of...

Their Biology Makes Them Do It!

Posted on 10/22/2013

The "their biology makes them do it!" hypothesis concerning the oft-horrid behavior of today's teens keeps on rolling along, charming parents of said teens into the comforting belief that...

Teaching: Then and Now

Posted on 10/15/2013

The most valuable course I took in high school was typing. I took two semesters of it my sophomore year at Proviso West High School in Hillside, Illinois. By the end of the second...

What No Child Has Ever Said!

Posted on 10/8/2013

Q: My 5-year-old daughter has developed a bad habit of arguing with me whenever I refuse her something, anything. Believe me when I tell you she is relentless. She will continue to argue until...

Biggest Mistake Parents Make

Posted on 9/24/2013

A journalist recently asked "What is the biggest mistake parents make?" I had to think about that. Which parents? The biggest mistake made by some parents is they pay entirely too much attention...

Benefit of the Doubt

Posted on 9/3/2013

The statute of limitations has expired concerning the following tale, so I can finally tell it. In October of my now 40-something year-old son Eric's seventh-grade year, he informed me...

Good Old Days

Posted on 8/6/2013

Sometimes, the so-called "good old days" really were better. For example, if the data is correct, then the state of parenting in America has been in slow but steady decline since the...

Grandparent Boundaries

Posted on 7/30/2013

Q: Our daughter and son-in-law have consented to be the guardians of our first grandchild, due in a few months. In preparation for this momentous event, we want to understand what our boundaries...

Yelling - Not Good for Parent or Child

Posted on 7/16/2013

"I'm a yeller," she said, she being the mother of three young children. "No," I replied, "you're not. There is no genetic predisposition toward yelling, and no biochemical or...

Nanny Interaction

Posted on 7/9/2013

A mom asked me a most interesting and currently pertinent question the other day: "How much one-on-one interaction should take place been a nanny and a child under her supervision?" The...

Dealing with Electronics

Posted on 7/2/2013

I often hear real-life parenting stories that evoke two equally strong feelings: on the one hand, sorrow; on the other, gratefulness. I am saddened to hear these stories, always told to me...

Radical Parenting Philosophies

Posted on 6/18/2013

If my parents told me once, they told me at least one hundred times, "Don't talk to anyone about their religious or political beliefs." They meant, of course, that those topics are likely to...

Authority

Posted on 5/28/2013

Q: My 3-year-old started preschool 3 days a week (private sitter other two days) about 2 months ago. He did great. However, this week he began being defiant, not following directions then kicked,...

Parenting Stone Age

Posted on 5/7/2013

When I was a child, back in the Parenting Stone Age (a.k.a. the Parentocentric Era), your parents were the most important people in the family. They paid the bills, bought your clothes, prepared...

21-Year-Old Needs Walking Papers

Posted on 2/26/2013

Q: My husband and I have a 21-year-old daughter from his first marriage. She was suspended from college for bad grades and is waiting out her time until she can go back. Meanwhile, she works for...

18-Month-Old is a Table Terror!

Posted on 2/26/2013

Q: Our 18 month old is a table terror! While I'm preparing dinner, she walks around acting like she's starving, but as soon as we sit her in her highchair she takes a few bites and then wants...

Think Like Me

Posted on 2/19/2013

Someone recently told me she wanted her children to "think for themselves." Not me, I said. If I was still in my active parenting years, I would most definitely want my children to think...

Last Chance for Major Change

Posted on 2/5/2013

Q: Our 17-year-old is a highly spoiled underachiever. As a junior in high school, he's failing two classes and borderline in the rest. We know that his problems are largely due to our parenting...

Nine year old: Homeschooling problem

Posted on 1/28/2013

Q: Our 9-year-old (only child) is home-schooled. He starts out well for about one hour, but then the wheels start falling off. He has to constantly be told what to do, but if you don't stand over...

Nine year old Refuses to go to her room

Posted on 1/15/2013

Q: What should I do when my 9-year-old daughter loses all of her privileges because of her misbehavior but refuses to go to her room? I tried to physically force her, but she put up too much of a...

Attitude is everything!

Posted on 12/11/2012

Q: Our 7-year-old has always been a great, respectful, funny little kid. However, recently he started lying and become a little sneaky. We punished him by taking his television privilege away and...

Adult Child: What to do?

Posted on 12/11/2012

Q: We have an adult child who doesn't want to grow up. She quit college after two years and moved across the country. As we anticipated, she's having difficulty supporting herself. In fact, she...

Unconditional Love and Unequivocal Leadership

Posted on 8/7/2012

In the late 1960s, as psychologist B. F. Skinner's behavior modification theory made the jump from academia into popular culture, the focus in child rearing shifted from molding character to...

Relationship vs Leadership

Posted on 12/13/2011

Someone recently asked if I agree with the currently popular parenting adage that "rules without relationship lead to rebellion." No, I do not. Rules without relationship with the rule-giver...

Because I Said So 1

Posted on 11/15/2011

Q: I know you believe it's OK for parents to say "Because I said so, " but isn't there some other way of saying the same thing? There are a lot of ways of saying the same thing, but most of...

Take the Time to Define Your Parenting Mission Statement

Posted on 9/27/2011

I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between the way I and almost everyone else in my generation (I was born in 1947) were raised and the way today's kids are being raised. The...

Adult Leadership, Not Wonderful Relationship

Posted on 9/20/2011

Browsing a gift shop the other day, I happened on a decorative plaque on which was inscribed a quote attributed to the late "power of positive thinking" guru Norman Vincent Peale: "Change your...

3-Year-Old Boy Regressing After Birth of Second Child

Posted on 9/6/2011

Show your natural authority Q: I gave birth to our second child a few weeks ago, so I'm sleep-deprived and running low on patience. In the meantime, my 3-year-old son has become another person....

Wild Boys

Posted on 7/25/2011

Q: I have 6-year-old twin boys who tend to get rambunctious when playing with other boys. How can I teach them to control their behavior when around other 'wild' kids? Recently, one of my boys...

Because I Said So 2

Posted on 7/12/2011

'Because I said so' is logical response While wandering through various Internet parenting sites the other day, I came across a professional who advises parents to never say "Because I said...

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