John's Articles
When Your Father Got Home
Posted on 2/28/2024
The most terrifying words a child of the baby boom generation ever heard: “I’m going to tell your father about this when he gets home.” Or, “Your father is not going to like it when I tell him...
Read MoreMake the Marriage Top Priority in Family
Posted on 3/15/2022
Okay, I’ve had it! I’ve reached my limit! My tolerance for well-intentioned nonsense is kaput! Over and done with! Maxed out! Stop it! Just stop it! I’m referring to the...
Read MoreBe the Best Father by Being the Best Husband You Can Be
Posted on 4/27/2021
Guys! Guys! Look, your wives, bless their hearts, are having enough trouble putting their children and priorities into proper perspective without you adding to the muddle. Keep it straight,...
Read MoreA Look at the Biggest Mistakes Parents Make
Posted on 2/18/2019
A journalist recently asked me for the single biggest mistake being made by today’s parents. I was tempted to say, “Having children,” but stopped myself because even if I’d followed up with “Just...
Read MoreAdults, Children Must Maintain Relationship Boundaries
Posted on 6/20/2018
A column of mine that originally appeared in January of 2017 has been circulating on the Internet ever since, accumulating over a million hits to date. In a nutshell, its message is simply that...
Read MorePutting Focus on Marriage is not Always Easy
Posted on 7/21/2017
Several years ago, during a break in a workshop I was conducting in Baton Rouge, La., a fellow approached me and said, "After reading you, we took your advice and put our marriage first. We are...
Read MoreIt's Common Sense to Put Marriage First
Posted on 3/1/2016
I never cease to be amazed at the reactions people sometimes have to things I say. Most recently, a significant number of folks—women, all—were outraged over something I posted online: In a...
Read More21-Year-Old Needs Walking Papers
Posted on 2/26/2013
Q: My husband and I have a 21-year-old daughter from his first marriage. She was suspended from college for bad grades and is waiting out her time until she can go back. Meanwhile, she works for...
Read MoreMicromanaging Mom and Uninvolved Father
Posted on 11/29/2011
The micromanager mom and the man-child dad Devon Corneal is an attorney and a writer. Her essay "Can You Hear Me Now? Why Parents Can't Get Kids to Listen" was published online by The...
Read MoreStep-Family Issues: Parent From the Marriage
Posted on 11/15/2011
How to 'parent from the marriage' Q: Several years ago, I married a widower who never disciplined his children. They are now 9, 14 and 16 and he still has a very difficult time denying them...
Read MorePressure, Anxiety, and Guilt of Today's Mothers
Posted on 3/23/2010
Hey, moms: There's more to life than raising children Q. My wife and I have been married for nearly 10 years. We have one child, a 3-year-old boy. Ever since our son was born, our marriage has...
Read MoreHusband's Priority Shoud Be Wife First
Posted on 4/21/2009
DAD'S ATTENTION SHOULD BE ON WIFE The response to my recent "I can't wait for the 1960s to be over and done with!" series has been overwhelming, so here's another installment. A fellow...
Read MoreParenting 101: Effective Leadership, Marriage First, Boundaries, Say No More Than Yes
Posted on 11/25/2008
THE FIRST RULE OF PARENTING: YOUR MARRIAGE COMES FIRST Welcome to Parenting 101, a two-part introduction to the fundamentals of effective child raising. Upon passing this course, which will...
Read MoreCouples are Husband and Wife Before Father and Mother
Posted on 9/30/2008
CHILDREN DON'T BENEFIT FROM OBSESSIVE PARENTS A journalist recently asked me to name the No. 1 problem facing today's family. To her surprise, I said, "A confusion of roles." In today's...
Read MoreHusband Undermines Wife's Authority
Posted on 4/22/2008
HUSBAND WHO SPOILS HIS CHILD NEEDS A TIMEOUT - AT THE LEAST Q. My husband often undermines my authority with the kids. For example, I believe that my children should eat whatever I put in front...
Read MoreMarried to Your Spouse, not Your Kids
Posted on 5/15/2007
ACT AS IF YOU'RE MARRIED TO EACH OTHER, NOT TO YOUR KIDS I recently conducted a two-day seminar with a relatively large audience at a church. Before the start of the second session, a fellow...
Read MoreA Family is a Family
Posted on 3/20/2007
FORGET ADJECTIVES; ANY CHILD IS A CHILD, ANY FAMILY IS A FAMILY Parents frequently ask if I have written books on adjective-children (e.g. adopted children) or adjective-families (e.g. blended...
Read More7-Year-Old Sleeping Problems Leads to Marriage Issues
Posted on 1/2/2007
Mom sleeps alone Q: My husband and I are older parents of a 7-year-old. From the very beginning, our son slept with us because my husband couldn't stand to listen to him cry. That has since...
Read MoreMarriage Needs Outrank Child's Needs
Posted on 7/5/2005
A MARRIAGE'S NEEDS USUALLY OUTRANK CHILD'S Q: After 15 years of marriage, my wife and I are considering starting a family. She is 43, and I am 45. We waited this long because of health...
Read MoreMarriage Occupies Center Stage
Posted on 12/7/2004
TODAY'S CHILDREN-CENTRIC MARRIAGES DON'T BODE WELL FOR FUTURE A journalist recently asked: "When they become adults, what will be the biggest problem facing today's kids?" I answered: "That...
Read More4-Year-Old is Indulged and Coddled
Posted on 11/26/2002
Q: I don't have children of my own yet, but I'm expecting soon. My lack of parenting experience is central to a discussion between my husband and me concerning what his 4-year-old son from his...
Read More8- and 10-Year-Old are Disrespectful to Dad and Step-Mom
Posted on 8/27/2002
VISITATIONS SHOULD END AT ONCE IF SONS DISOBEY Q: I am black and my husband is white. We have weekend visits with his sons, 10 and 8. The weekends are tortuous because in our home the children...
Read MoreMost Effective Discipline Comes From a Functional Marriage
Posted on 8/21/2001
It takes 2 to discipline Q. My second husband reads me your column every week. It's infuriating! He says I don't discipline my two children, which isn't true, and that I won't let him...
Read MoreHusband and Wives Need to Keep Promises
Posted on 2/10/1998
PROMISE KEEPERS CHALLENGES HUSBANDS, BUT WHAT ABOUT WIVES? Over the past few months, journalists have asked what I think of Promise Keepers and, more specifically, its notion that men are the...
Read MoreParents of 8-Year-Old Have Different Discipline Methods Concerning Her Tantrums
Posted on 9/26/1996
HOW TO RECONCILE DISCIPLINE STYLES Her 8-year-old daughter, the mother told me with great concern, had recently thrown a tantrum over not getting her way about something. The child eventually...
Read MoreWomen Should be Wives First and Mothers Second
Posted on 5/30/1996
MOTHERS, DON'T FORGET TO BE WIVES ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS I was recently in Somewhere, USA, where I talked on the unfortunate consequences to families and children of the prevailing nouveau idea...
Read MoreParents Don't Agree on How to Handle Discipline of 3- and 6-Year-Old
Posted on 4/8/1994
PARENTS WHO DISAGREE ON ISSUES SHOULD AGREE ON HOW TO ARGUE Q. My husband and I don't always agree on how to handle situations that come up with our two children, ages 6 and 3. I'm concerned...
Read MoreThoughts on Parenthood - Part 1
Posted on 2/11/1994
REMEMBER THAT WHAT CHILDREN SAY THEY WANT ISN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY TRULY NEED A collection of musings on parenthood: * If you think child-rearing is difficult, it will be. * Authority...
Read MoreMarriage Must Be Father's Priority
Posted on 10/15/1993
MAKING THE MARRIAGE COME FIRST IS UPHILL BATTLE FOR TODAY'S PARENTS Q. I subscribe to your philosophy that in a two-parent family, the marriage should come first. Trying to get my husband to...
Read MoreThoughts on Parenting and Families - Part 2
Posted on 8/13/1993
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON PARENTHOOD, FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, RAISING CHILDREN Continued from last week, and continued next week: * To say the more attention a child gets, the better, is as...
Read MoreTake Time to be a Wife and not Just a Mother
Posted on 4/23/1993
MOTHERS NEED TO REMEMBER THEY ARE ALSO PEOPLE Spying me mingling with the audience a few minutes before I was to make a presentation, she walked up and said, "Do you know what really bugs me...
Read MoreChildren Should Pay More Attention to Adults than Adults Pay to Children
Posted on 8/7/1992
CAN YOU PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO A CHILD? YES, AND IT WILL SHOW Q. I heard you speak last month in Buffalo and took special notice when you said children should pay more attention to adults...
Read MoreStaying Married - Not Raising Children - is the Most Difficult Job
Posted on 3/31/1991
MARRIAGE IS MORE TROUBLE THAN REARING CHILDREN While in Connecticut several weeks ago on a speaking tour, I could not tune to a radio station without hearing much joking and sarcasm concerning...
Read MorePutting Focus on Marriage is not Always Easy
Posted on 11/25/1990
REFOCUSING FROM KIDS TO YOU ISN'T EASY Several weeks ago, during a break in a workshop I was conducting in Baton Rouge, La., a fellow approached me and said, "After reading you, we took your...
Read MoreKeep Priorities Straight
Posted on 9/2/1990
Divide And Conquer When, in a two-parent family, the child becomes the center of attention and the child's relationship with one or both parents consumes more energy than does the parents'...
Read MoreParents, Take Center Stage in Rearing Children
Posted on 9/2/1990
Traveling around the country, doing talks and workshops for various parent and professional groups, I am asked a broad range of questions concerning the rearing of children, many of them having to...
Read MoreHow to be a Good Parent: Part 1
Posted on 7/22/1990
AFTER 21 YEARS, I DISCOVER HOW TO BE A GOOD PARENT: PRACTICE, PRACTICE Some thoughts on parenthood collected during the last 21 years of trying to make it work: * The purpose of parenting...
Read MoreSingle Parents Should Pay More Attention to Themselves than Children
Posted on 11/5/1989
PARENTS FIRST, CHILDREN SECOND THAT PIECE OF HERETICAL' ADVICE GOES DOUBLE FOR SINGLE-PARENT FAMILIES Q. I heard you give a talk recently in Baton Rouge, La., in which you said that...
Read More6 Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children
Posted on 8/6/1989
6 COMMANDMENTS FOR PARENTS A reader from Albuquerque asks, "What is this Six-Point Plan' you wrote about several weeks ago?" Well, in addition to being in the title of my book "John...
Read MoreHusband and Wife Do Not Agree on How to Discipline
Posted on 10/30/1988
FOR CHILDREN TO HEAR PARENTS' DISAGREEMENTS MORE GOOD THAN BAD Q: My husband and I don't always agree on how to handle situations that come up with our two children, ages 6 and 3. I'm...
Read MoreThoughts on Raising Children Again
Posted on 7/12/1987
PONDERING PARENTHOOD ONCE AGAIN I recently published two columns of "collected thoughts" on raising children. They generated lots of positive reader mail, so here's some more: * Many...
Read MoreThoughts on Raising Children
Posted on 5/31/1987
SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS ON RAISING YOUR CHILDREN Still more collected thoughts on raising children: * The marriage precedes the children and was meant to succeed them. * It is one of the...
Read MoreMore Tips on Child Rearing
Posted on 5/24/1987
CHILDREN NEED LOTS OF VITAMIN N (NO') More collected thoughts on rearing children: * It's a child's responsibility to himself to rebel, and it's the parents' responsibility to contain...
Read MoreTips on Child Rearing
Posted on 5/17/1987
A FEW TIPS ON CHILD REARING Some thoughts on raising children, arrived at over the course of more than eighteen years of parenthood. * The secret to raising happy, healthy children: Pay...
Read MoreDiscipline Should be Handled by Both Parents
Posted on 2/15/1987
DON'T MAKE DAD THE HEAVY IN DISCIPLINE "Wait 'til your father gets home." Or so my mother would say whenever my relentlessly obnoxious behavior became too much for her to handle. And it...
Read More2 Important Considerations with Step-Families
Posted on 4/6/1986
THE MARRIAGE MUST BE PRIMARY IN STEPFAMILY SITUATION Q. I am a single mother with a 9-year-old son. My ex-husband and I divorced when Robbie was 3. Robbie's father sees him on a regular...
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